Firstly you should know that this isn't my ususal Blog post, there are no books involved. This is a personal post which I felt I should write. It is the first time I've done a personal post. All of my family and friends will already know why I've chose today. For everyone who doesn't know:
Today is my Daughter's 10th birthday.
I spent the first 4 days of her life in hospital with her as she was born with Group B Strep. Once she had recovered from that I said Goodbye. I saw her again when she was 6 months old.
It was on that day when she was 6 months old that I found out just how hard it was to write my own name. Along with making the decision that took me along that path; signing the adoption papers and signing away all legal responsibility for her were the two hardest things that I have ever done in my young adult life. Even now after 10 years I have never made a decision that hard, and I doubt I ever will.
My decision wasn't made on a whim, I thought about it for months and went over every possible choice and scenario. No amount of talking to my midwife or Social Service Counsellor prepared me for the heartbreak and heartache I experienced. My friends and MOST of my family were so supportive. Friends I've made since then have also been supportive. My boyfriend; who I've been with for 8 years now; and his family are all super supportive and so understanding.
I do not regret my decision to have her adopted, as I know that she will have received the love, care and stability that she deserves. There's not a day that passes that I don't think about her and wonder how she's doing. I'm not afraid to admit that even after 10 years I dread November 25th. It's the one day of every year that my strength and resolve abandon me, the heartache gets the better of me and I give in and cry.
I hope that one day I will get a chance to explain to her my reasons behind my decision and that she will understand and see it as the completely selfless act that it was. I know that if I get that wish and if she should say that she would like to get know me and my family I would be the happiest person in the world, next to her Mum and Dad.
I Hope You Have An Amazingly Happy 10th Birthday Melissa.
I know not everyone wants to know this but for those of you have taken the time to read this, I Thank You. It was just a little something that I wanted to do.